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Who names their kid Doug?
Look, my name is Boyd, and I know that by no means have I hit the good name jackpot, but really, who names their kid Doug? Not people who want their son to be in the Hall of Fame, that's for sure. In fact, there has only been one Doug to eve r make the Hall of Fame in the 3 major sports. Let's learn a little about the name.
Doug is short for Douglas, which is Scottish for river.
River. Doug means river. That's not so bad, I guess. The Social Security Administration website informs us that Douglas reached it's peak in popularity in 1942, when it was the 23rd most poplar name. There are a lot of 66 and 67 year old Dougs running around, apparently. Since then the name has gradually decreased in popularity until last year it was only the 396th most popular name. In comparison, more crazy-ass parents named their kid Maximus last year (323rd) than Douglas. Now, popularity isn't everything, but let's face it, Doug is just a bad name. That being said, anyone who succeeds in sports with a lousy name like Doug deserves to be recognized. Without further ado, the top 5 Dougs in sports history:
5. Doug Atkins, NFL
I won't lie. I have never heard of Doug Atkins. When I looked at the lists of all players ever inducted into the Hall of Fa  me for baseball, football and basketball, this guy was it. The only one. Apparently he was a stud defensive end predominantly for the Chicago Bears during the 50's and 60's. They didn't keep sacks at the time, but this guy was a monster at 6'8" and 275 lbs. I would have put him higher, but seeing as how he was great during the heyday of the name Doug, I just couldn't put him above others who had to fight the true stigma that is attached with the name Doug. As an aside, 81 is a number for receivers not defensive ends, Doug Atkins.
4. Doug Collins, NBA/TNT
Doug is not one of my favorite announcers. If I have to hear him talk about how flat Kevin Garnett's shot was at the beginning of his career, and how high his release is now one more time I might have to cut his brakes. I we  nt back and forth about including Collins on my list, because his name is actually Paul Douglas Collins, but I figured, hell, if this guy actually chooses to be called Doug when he could have gone with a fine Christian name like Paul, he deserves to be on this list. Few are so glutton for punishment. Collins was actually the number one pick in the NBA draft in 1973, and had a decent career that was shortened by injuries. He then turned to coaching, where he failed to win a championship with Michael Jordan not once, but twice. As a consolation prize, and as the photo shows, he actually got to touch Michael Jordan's ass. How many people can say that? He's an OK announcer. That's all I have to say about Doug Collins. Bye.
3. Doug Moe, NBA
Moe was by far the most entertaining Doug in the history of the sports world. He was a so-so player who later went on to Coach in the NBA, most famously with the high octane Nuggets of the 80's. Here are some of his more classic quotes:
“I really didn't want it, but now that I've won it, it's nice. It's an honor. It's nice to know people don't think you're a total idiot. ... It must have been a poor year for coaches.”-after winning 1988 NBA Coach of the Year Award 
"Cafeterias are my favorite place to eat out. A lot of people wouldn't be caught dead in a cafeteria. ... Where else can you inspect a prepared entree before ordering it?"
Moe: “Alex, you c---------.” English: “You can’t call me a c---------. You’re a c---------.” Moe: “I know I’m a c---------. Now get out there and play some defense you c---------.” --Doug Moe, coaching Alex English during a game
“When the game’s over, it’s over.”
Doug was actually a pretty good coach, and his teams were always high scoring. He's 70 and I think he still assistant coaches with the Nuggets. One thing I liked about Moe is that, not unlike Jerry Sloan, he always looked like he had maybe just gotten off of his real job, gone to a bar and drank 5-6 beers, and then showed up to coach. That's respectable in my book. Good for you Doug Moe. You have two first names and dammit, you made the most of both of them.
2. Doug Williams, NFL I'll never forget Super Bowl XXII (that's 22 for the retards). The Broncos came out and scored like a minute into the game and I (9 years old at the time) thought that the Broncos were going to roll. Boy was I wrong. The Redskins proceeded to kick the ever living piss out of the Broncs, to my great enjoyment. At the time, it didn't mean much to me that Williams was the first African American quarterback to play in, win, or take the MVP award in Super Bowl History, but I can put it in perspective now and be impressed. You don't even know what Williams went through. First off, he had to deal with the fact that his parents named him Doug. I can only imagine how hard that was. But on top of that, after Williams led the lowly Bucaneers to 3 playoff appearances in 4 years, he was making less money than every starting QB in the league and 12 backups. Williams fought racism and his name to become an NFL legend, maybe not so much for his play as the doors he opened for other QB's to follow.
1. Doug Flutie, USFL/NFL/CFL Who doesn't love little Doug Flutie? Was he cursed with Doug? Then he was equally blessed with Flutie. What a great name. Say it 3 times. Doug Flutie. It rolls off the tongue with ease. Flutie is number one because he gives short people everywhere hope. Generously listed at 5'9", Flutie would have never suit ed up for an NFL team if he wasn't completely awesome. He may have only been 5'9", but 5'4" of that was balls, 3' of it was piss, and 2' was vinegar. And he did it all while looking about as intimidating as your Grandma. Look at how terrified he appears in that photo. Poor little Doug. Doug now plays drums, while his brother Darren plays guitar in the Flutie Brothers Brand ( I wonder who plays the Flute-e.) They probably are just so-so as a band, but they are all heart.
If I have overlooked a notable Doug, please let me know.

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