Chicago, IL-In a surprise development, Minions from hell have confirmed that Chicago Bulls shooting gaurd Ben Gordan has been granted an extension of his expiring deal with Satan for games 6 and 7(if necessary) of the Bulls current Eastern Conference playoff series with the Boston Celtics.   

Belphegor, a lesser known demon whose powers are believed to be stronger in April, was able to broker the deal between Gordon and Lucifer. 

"Ben contacted me late Tuesday evening through a Demon Seance, very concerned about his current deal, which was expiring at midnight. He told me he just didn't want to face the Celtics alone. That was when I stepped in, got the terms of the deal set, and took it to The Big Guy, who immediately approved the extension."  When asked what the terms of the extension were, Belphegor responded "You know, kind of the usual.  I'm not technically allowed to divulge the terms of the deal, but basically, um, it was for his Eternal Soul." 

Although Gordon's shooting percentages have been lower in this playoff series than in the regular season,  viewers of the series have been surprised by Gordon's ability to hit every clutch shot he has been faced with, including a series of near impossible bank shots, one-legged leaners, and fade-away threes.  He was also allowed, presumably through the Powers of Darkness, to step out of bounds on a late game 3 point attempt and still drew the foul from Tony Allen.

"Oh, yeah.  That was Satanic influence, for sure.  And those phantom fouls he drew on Ray Allen?  You could bet your soul that Beelzebub made those whistles blow." Belphegor related before belching fire and rubbing on his horns. 

Celtics captain Paul Pierce commented from practice Wendesday morning, "That's not that big of a surprise, really.  I mean, did you see some of those shots he was making? Crazy.  I have to admit that I am a little surprised he got an extension.  I heard that Drew Rosenhaus is pretty much the only agent who can turn deals like that with the Underworld, and I don't think he's Ben's agent." 

Bulls head coach Vinny Del Negro called the story "A non-issue.  What Ben does with his free time and the souls of him and his family are Ben's business.  I just hope he keeps making shots."

After practice, the only thing Gordon had to offer was, "You can't believe everything you here from every lesser-known Demon or Imp. I'm a Christian, man." Gordon then angrily strode off into the locker room.

Gordon's agent was unavailable for comment Wednesday morning. 

Comments (2)

Name

Comment

smaller | bigger

Subscribe via email (registered users only)

Add Comment