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In honor of Cinco de Mayo I have compiled a list of five things that I both love and hate. How is such a thing possible, one might ask. How can someone love something and hate it at the same time? The answer is simple when the world of sports is added into the equation. Gracias Cinco de Mayo, for this painful yet cathartic exercise.
 5. I love/hate you Chicago Bears years 1987-Present. When I saw the 1985-86 Chicago Bears dominate the NFL with stifling defense, rap the Superbowl Shuffle with unabashed cockiness, and win the Championship by throttling the helpless New England Patriots I was hooked. They were brash. They were arrogant. Ditka’s coiffed hair and epic mustache sealed the deal. I was in love with the Chicago Bears and maybe even a little in lust with them. Since then however, things have fallen apart in the windy city. Here’s a list: Mike Tomczak, Steve Fuller, Doug Flutie, Jim Harbaugh, Peter Tom Willis, Will Furrer, Erik Kramer, Steve Walsh, Dave Kreig, Rick Mirer, Steve Stenstrom, Moses Moreno, Shane Matthews, Cade McNown, Jim Miller, Chris Chandler, Henry Burris, Kordell Stewart, Rex Grossman, Jonathan Quinn, Craig Krenzel, Chad Hutchison, Kyle Orton, and Brian Griese. This is the list of horrible to worse than me quarterbacks that have started games for my beloved Chicago Bears since the ‘85-‘86 season. That is a whole lot of reasons to hate this team, but seasons like the 2007 Superbowl appearance always tease me back into loving them only to be disappointed by seasons 2008, 2009, and probably 2010.
 4. I love/hate you New York Mets every year of your existence. I know that the Mets won the World Series in 1969 and 1986, but I wasn’t even born in 1969 and in 1986 they had to grease a ball between Bill Buckner’s legs to pull it off. There was the Subway Series that was entertaining until the end of game one and there are always the inflated expectations that I take to a whole new level in my crazy mind. All I have to hear is one ESPN analyst say he thinks the Mets are going to win the World Series this year and I’m on the bandwagon drinking the crazy Kool-aide. I order the MLB Ticket and start watching all 162 games living and dying with every hit, pitch, and error. I wanted to strangle every person I came across after the Mets lost their home opener this year and that was like game four out of 162. Can you say, “obsess much.”
 3. I love/hate you Michael Jordan. This may seem a bit odd, but my reasons for loving and hating Michael Jordan are many. I love Michael Jordan because he snatched not one, but two Championships away from my hometown Utah Jazz. Let me explain. Jazz fan is already unbearable without having won any NBA Championships. Regardless of the squad that Larry H. Miller (RIP Larry) ran out there, Jazz fan thought they were going to go 82-0 and sweep every series in the Playoffs. I can’t even imagine the level of delusion that Jazz fan would have if they had managed to win those two Championships with Stockton and Malone. I love you Jordan for stealing the ball from Malone and pushing Bryan “don’t call me Byron” Russell out of the way so you could bury that jumpshot and by so ding bury the Jazz’s hopes of Championship glory. I apologize to those few realistic, grounded Jazz fans out there, but my childhood was scared by rabid Jazz fans, as I grew up a lone Celtics fan surrounded by mostly maniacs. I also love Michael Jordon for the horrible job he has done as GM of the Wizards and the Bobcats. Keep up the crappy work Mike. I hate Jordan because he was so good and he supplanted Larry Bird as the greatest player in the history of the NBA. Burn in hell Michael.
 2. I just hate/hate you LeBron James. King James was already an insufferable, cocky, arrogant SOB before he won the MVP award, I don’t even want to think about how he is going to be after earning the award, and heaven help us if he wins the Championship. He gets every call, he date rapes people he is guarding and gets away with it, and he scowls and struts he way around the court as if he is owed something and all of this was pre-MVP. Please baby Jesus, please don’t let him win the Championship. Please.
 1. I love/hate you Boston Celtics without Kevin Garnett. Without KG in the lineup the Celtics are so inconsistent. They don’t play hard until they are down by at least 15 points. Against the Bulls they were able to play like donkeys until crunch time and still manage to win the series, but the Magic jumped out to a 28 point lead and the C’s fought back to three points down, but lost because of their lackluster first half performance. Damn you Boston Celtics. I love to watch you come back, but I would also love to watch you win a game comfortably for once. Without KG you have so many stupid possessions and it makes me want to shoot down your charter and pick a different team. Who am I kidding? I love you Celtics. But I kind of hate you too.
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