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No Limit Texas Hold 'Em has taken the world by storm. It seems that every time I turn around there is another Poker show on TV. ESPN of course runs the most popular Poker program of them all The World Series of Poker. This leads to the obvious question. Is Poker a sport? I say no, but neither is bowling, horse racing, darts, or golf and ESPN has all of these things on all the time. But these are arguments I'll leave for another time.
Today I'd like to compare some of the best and worst starting hands in No Limit Hold 'Em to NBA players. For those of you who don't know, there are 169 starting hands in poker ranging from A-A (two aces) to 7-2 off suit (a seven and a two of differing suits).
Ace-Ace This is the best starting hand in hold 'em and if you get dealt two aces you are going to win most of the time. This hand is also know as American Airlines, pocket rockets, and bullets. Being the best and most dominant starting hand there is I can only compare this hand to the great LeBron James. I know that their are a lot of people out there that would say Kobe deserves this spot, but those people would be wrong. LBJ is dominating the NBA. The dude is 6'9" a legitimate 270 pounds and he races around the floor like an undersized two guard. He should be playing defensive end for an NFL team (please Lord let it be the Bears) But instead he decided to be unstoppable in the NBA. He has improved his suspect outside shooting and he is playing unbelievable defense. How many times on SportsCenter have you seen the dude run down a breakaway layup and swat that isht off the backboard? I don't know how many times I've seen it, but it's a lot. I know it would have been obvious to put King James as a pair of Kings, but he's the best in the NBA so it's Aces for him.
King-King This is the 2nd-best hold'em hand and is still incredibly strong. It will win you a good chunk of change in most situations. Two kings, or "cowboys" are only dominated by aces. Kobe Bryant takes this lofty spot on my list. Just as sometimes Kings can beat Aces so can Kobe still beat LeBron. Kobe has suffered a few critical injuries this year two of which have been to his shooting hand, but it seems he will be able to battle through them once again for another MVP like season. Kobe has fought through much more difficult things in the past (like his alleged Colorado rape incident, and definite adultery incident) and come through relatively unscathed. Those were some bad beats by Kobe, just as Kings will sometimes lose to a five-seven off suit, but just like Kobe cowboys will win most of the time (unless he runs into the ever dominant starting hands of K-G or P-P of Boston Celtic Texas Hold 'Em).
Queen-Queen Two queens, or "ladies" are a very good hand. Sure, kings and aces will beat you, but you've got the upper hand on jacks and below. I think you can put any of the Euro/South American players in this spot as most of them are converted fancy dancing soccer players who love to flop around on the court, get carried off on a stretcher, and then have indiscriminate sexual relations with men and women alike, but in order to give two queens the respect it deserves I will put in the biggest queen of them all, Pau Gasol. Don't get me wrong, Gasol is a great player. He just has the image around the league as being a soft, crybaby, flopper. I guess since the nickname for the hand is "ladies" I should throw in Manu Ginobili for good measure as that guy will go down in a heap with his legs thrown up over his head if you so much as cough in his direction. I would definitely take a pair of Gasol and Ginobili as my starting hand just as I would raise the pot with a pair of Queens, but come on guys toughen up or I'll have to give you a yellow card.
Seven-Two off suit 7-2 off suit is considered the worst hand in Texas Hold'em. They are the lowest two cards you can have that cannot make a straight (there's 4 cards between 2 and 7). Even if they are suited, they will make you a very low flush, and if either pairs, it's an awfully low hand. It is known as "the hammer" and if you've never had it dropped on you I can tell you it's not a pleasant experience. Every NBA team has a seven-deuce off suit on it. This would be a guy with a sizeable contract who never sees the court unless there is a long string of injuries. Brian Scalabrine comes to mind when I think of my beloved Celtics. Jarron and Jason Collins probably infuriate the fans of the Utah Jazz and Minnesota Timberwolves. Steve Francis is still eating up $52.7 million over the next three years and playing exactly zero minutes. Hey Philly how are you enjoying your seven-deuce (Elton Brand)? Portland how's Darius Miles 4 year $34 million feel about now?
Well that's it. Poker and the NBA, two of my favorite things. Feel free to add your thoughts.
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