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Just for giggles I decided to recast the Harry Potter movies with NBA players (past and present) in honor of the ongoing NBA Playoffs and in honor of the upcoming release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince scheduled to hit theaters across the nation on July 15th.
Harry Potter – Kurt Rambis
 
This was kind of a tough one because in my mind the title role needed to be filled by a white man with goofy glasses and a lightning bolt scar on his forehead. The lack of white dudes in the NBA made it difficult to track the ideal candidate down to say nothing of the goofy glasses and the crazy scar. Sure Rambis has a mustache but I finally went with him because he had both white skin and goofy glasses and he should have gotten a lightning bolt scar on his forehead when Kevin McHale clotheslined him in the 1984 NBA Finals. Just as an aside, the foul on McHale wasn’t even called a flagrant or a technical or anything but a personal foul. The NBA has made its players into a bunch of mamby-pambies who can’t even knock a guy to the ground in the Playoffs without getting ejected and suspended for a game.
Hermione Granger – Joakim Noah
 
Hermione is known for her out of control hair and her studious nature. From the look of Joakim in this picture I would say check and check. Jokim and Kurt Rambis might have trouble shooting the kissing scenes that are upcoming in the movie series unless Kurt elbows Noah in his junk like Ray Allen did in the first round of the Playoffs this year then Noah will pucker up and step face to face with Rambis just like he did to Allen and then let the love scenes roll. But if these two can’t make a connection in the love department then I might have to go to my understudies Wally Szczerbiak and Gary Payton who from the looks of this picture look ready to go when the Director yells “action!”
Ron Weasley – Brian Scalabrine
 
This one was a no-brainer or a slam-dunk if you pardon the pun. The red hair, the general lack of respect, no game when it comes to getting the ladies or playing sports be it basketball or quidditch. Sure Scalabrine is a little fat to be playing the role of an awkward skinny teenaged wizard, but give the guy a chance and a giant freaking salary cap crippling contract, after all the Celtics did and look how it’s paid off for them.
Albus Dumbledore – Gregg Popovich
 
I have to admit that the beard Popovich grew this year was a big plus when it came to casting this role. His white hair and beard set make him a shoe-in for Dumbledore. Throw in his desire to coach and teach others and his intellectual nature and how could I use anyone else? As far as I know Popovich is not a homosexual so he might balk at that little morsel, but if Jake Gyllenhaal and the late Heath Ledger could get over their manliness to gay up the big screen on Brokeback Mountain then I’m sure Popovich could make the jump. “I wish I knew how to quit you, Tim Duncan?” My only advice to him, if he turns out to be a method actor, is to stay away from the boy’s wing of the Gryffindor dormitory if he knows what’s good for him.
Lord Voldemort - Mike Dunleavy Jr.
 
Who would have thought that Mike Dunleavy Jr. would have been good for anything other than being a gigantic douche? Well from the looks of this picture it seems that Dunleavy's talents run deeper than I first thought. It seems he is kind of in love with his long flowing hair-do so he might be against shaving his head, but if his only other choice is sucking it up on the basketball court for 15-20 minutes a night he might be persuaded to become the wizard world's version of the Prince of Darkness. He might as well shave it because if you've seen his dad roaming the sidelines for various NBA franchises it looks like Mike Jr's love affair with his hair will be short lived.
Supporting Roles
Dobby the House Elf - Steve Blake
 
Severus Snape - Luis Scola
 
Hedwig the Snow Owl - Chris "Birdman" Anderson
 
I could keep going, but I won't. That's all I've got for now. Peace.
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